Hehe..This blog is back to "Alive" mode..actually very tired and lazy to blog de..but den this thing is a MUST to blog..coz it's the best memory ever in the most helpless scene.
27/03/09
Yesterday nite, baby..sry ma fan u come down meet me..din i told u i dowan u return anything le ma?why u still bring PS1 down lei? and din i say dun touch my heart le ma?u still touched it in the end. Did you realise for that few days, i keep avoiding your question when u say you still love me and ask if i still love u? I'm afraid my heart will move thats y i keep asking u to stop saying those stuffs.
We were sitting down, den u pass me the plastic bag with the bear in it, the PS1 and CDs. I was really very determined to say all the harsh words to you to make you give up on me. I did not dare to look at you for i scared my heart will get shaky. I din have anything to say to u..I was very scared and my mind was blank, i was thinking of just leaving without saying anything. I thought it was the end already. You took off your necklace and returned me..the only thing i can think of for that moment and said it is "throw it away". Baby ar~you gimme that necklace for wad?thats i give u de lei..u think i will let other ppl wear mehx?wad can i do with it anyway?silly boy..
I remember one scenario where i say something den i smiled at you..den when u smile back, i quickly turn around and scolded myself, "Stupid ar? Smile at him for wad? He smile back for wad also?! but dunno why see him, i feel like smiling lei..eh?cannot!must strong..dun smile liao! Lata he think I still love him.." dats why from den, i din look at you much coz i scared my heart give in and will smile again..serious matters treat like play play not that good ma..right?
Den I also took off my necklace since u took off yours..i put in on the table den i saw the ring on my finger. It's a ring i bought more den half a year ago i think..i took it out and put it on the table also..preparing to throw everything away (your necklace, my necklace, my ring)..we talked a while bout the mistakes i did 3 days ago..den when u saw the ring, u push it to me and ask me..
Bao: throw this for wad?it's yours lei..oso not i give u de..
Emily: i noe ar..
Bao: den throw for wad?ex give u de ar?oso not i give u y nid throw?
Emily: i buy myself de la..aiya..this ring today i wear out as a prove i got bf le..
(i regretted saying that..I hated myself..i regretted showing u i still love u)
You kept quiet..den i took the ring up, and say..
Emily: this ring is wear to prove got bf de..now oso no use le..i wan throw it away!
Den i threw it far into the bush and i regretted doing so right after i throw it..Yet i think it's a blessing in disguise when i see how much u cared when u keep finding it..
U stood up and walk to the bush.. I quickly stood up and pushed u away, asking u not to find it..
Emily: Dun find le la! cannot find de! go away! throw is throw le..oso no use!
Bao: Is you that throw this relationship lei! u can put down, i can't.. (den u use that eyes to stare at me and carry on finding)
I pushed you away again and pull you away from the bush
Emily: I say dun find le!! can buy a new one de wad!
Bao: Some things throw is throw le, cant be replace de..not everything can get new one de.. That ring is you wear for me de leh!! I can't let go of this relationship..i wan find it back..you go home first..
Do you noe..when i saw the serious expression on your face, how much i wanted to hug you tightly and cry..i nearly did that..but i told myself i cant show u i still love u.. i need to be strong..But my heart became shaky..So i ended up starting to find also..and i did not think a lot whether it's dirty, whether there's ants or lizards. All i thought of was the ring and you..I prayed very hard..and i started shedding tears..U started scolding me by den..
Bao: You wan u go home first..I wan find it den i go home..u no nid find la..is u throw de..
I stared at u with my slightly teary eye yet i continue finding and praying non stop while finding..i thought it might get stuck in between the branches..so i started pulling the leaves den i hit it..my hand went right through and i got pricked by the thorns in the branches..oww~ ='[
I keep mumbling to myself that i wan find the ring no matter wad when u told me not to find it anymore..My heart melted that second..i lost to you and your determination. I'm not strong enough and i cant lie to myself anymore that i dun love u..thats y i gave up..but at that point of time i din think that wad i'm doing is showing u I still love u..until you found it and put in my bag..i saw u opening my bag..but i dunno why u open it for..so i carry on searching..Even intended to search the next morning.. den u pulled me..
Bao: You go home la..dun nid find liao..
I shoved your hands off.
Emily: You wan u go home yourself..i wan find..
Bao: dun find le la..cant find le..some things throw le will nv find back de..just like our love..
I stared at you den say:
Emily: You wan u go home yourself la! I say i wan find the ring!
Den you pulled me again
Bao: Dun find liao la!! Is you that throw away the love de lei..find for wad?
Emily: I know! i dun care wad love..i just wanna find the ring!!
I shoved your hands off, yet u pulled me hard and stare at me with those serious eyes..
Bao: You is care bout the ring or ME??!!You care for it more den me??! go see ur bag..
i already knew you manage to find it when u said that..i was really very happy..yet i pretended not to be..But at that point of time, i knew we were meant to be..Yet i hated myself to xin ruan, i hated myself to dong xin.. I held the ring tightly in my palms and you said something i would nv ever forget..
Bao: You throw the love away.....................but now..........I found it back......
At that point of time, i was scolding myself for being stupid..why did i try so hard to find the ring in front of you?! If i dun show to be so concern, den u will just give up..why why why?!! but when i hear you say that, my heart totally gave in and say,
Emily: wad u mean?
den i turned my head towards the pool and cried..i was so afraid to look at you with my eyes coz i am suppose to appear strong in front of u..I did that for the past few days..but i lost to myself and you when i saw how serious you were..
You came and push my head onto your chest.
Bao: Do you still love me? Do you still wanna be together with me? If you wan, hug me.. otherwise, i will leave u from now onwards..
What can I say? How can i not be touched for every action and words u said to me? I din wanted to hug u..but i realise there's no point to act strong anymore..so i quickly and very automatically hugged you.. That warmth you gave me at that moment, i once thought it will be lost 4eva..I thank god for being able to hug u once more..
This is the ring that brought back our love..and this day, i will never ever forget..
I call this a heavenly gift..It was just an ordinary ring b4 you find it..but it's fated to let you find..This ring shows me a side of you I never knew b4..I saw how serious u were to me, how determined you are to just find back a relationship that u cannot put down..I never once realised u loved me this much..Yet it increases the love i had for you..I wish time will stopped at that moment when we were both trying so hard to find it..
Another thing that i realise..this is not just a coincidence..I really dunno why i will wear the ring yesterday..i suddenly saw it out of nowhere in my cupboard..I din ever realise it was there b4..or maybe yesterday, it just seemed to be super sparkling and caught my attention..so i wore it..When i held it, i decided to put it on my middle finger and thought that it can prove i have a bf(thats u)..yet i think i wont meet u at night..so i thought it might be ok since u wont get to see it.. If my thinking was not this, i think yesterday when u find the ring oso cannot find de..i really think this is god's will..To prove each other's love with the test of TIME and OBSTACLES.. now, our love became stronger..lets thank god for that..=]
I know this type of thing like searching for something important will never ever happen again..thats why i noted everything down..coz it's really a very very nice memory that proves the love..Though it's a very nice memory and i wish there'll be another time liddis, but this type of thing..betta not la hor?haha..=D I really love you..dun doubt it ok? I will use all my heart to treat u truly..^^ This is my promise to you..=)